Shhhh… Don’t Tell Your Spouse!

Now, to be clear, I do not advocate keeping secrets from your husband or wife. Honesty is, and always will be, the best policy.

But I do want to also be clear on the fact that, ahem, how should I word this…  the male trader ego is a strong force that likes to brag about winning trades, especially to their women folk and then quickly dismiss the losers.

If you do talk about your winners, you also need to discuss your losers in order to provide balance in the perception of your performance. This is, of course, the hardest thing to do. Not a single trader likes to be reminded of that winning trade that got away or that massive loser that all but wiped out your account. It’s embarrassing to tell your friends and family that you, supposedly the “expert” trader, couldn’t hold onto your capital.

Yet we love to brag about our winners. We can’t wait to tell our wives about our home runs or even multiple singles and doubles that earned us $1,000/day for the last week.

Someone very close to me used to do just that: excitedly talk about his winning trades. He would tell his wife of the bountiful success stories. And rightfully so, this person was very proud of his achievements. Who wouldn’t be?

Except that the problem was that his wife only heard one side. She never heard about the losers. Hence, she mistakenly thought things were pretty good and proceeded to look at exotic vacations, European river cruises, Louis Vuitton bags, expensive new cars and clothes to match. I mean, do the math –  “he’s making all this money. It needs to be spent, right?”

In our Trading Room, we sometimes talk about these things, such as what and how to reveal your results. By keeping these discussions in the Trading Room, you are sharing with people who understand. Ahren and I totally get it. We’ve been involved in the market for over 40 years combined, and we’ve seen it all. We have experienced all that the market can throw at us. We have had massive winners and we have blown up our accounts, multiple times. We encourage you to share your frustrations with us and fellow traders because only we can truly understand the emotions.

I go as far as saying don’t even discuss your trades with your friends. Your well-meaning family and associates do not want you to lose but they simply do not understand and can never comprehend the overriding addiction to trading. Unlike harmful unhealthy addictions, we do not ever want to quit this all-absorbing endeavor. How can you? It is just too much fun. It can be profitable or painful. It’s all too real. Non-traders can never understand this in the same way as a blind person can never know what color is.

So, what happened when this person close to me had to confront his wife’s shopping list? Needless to say, she was disappointed, not so much in not being able to purchase these goods but because her husband was not completely forthcoming with the entire story. Maybe if he had confided in her of his losing positions, she could have offered some comfort or advice. Even something as simple as suggesting a break for a few days may have helped. With every ego boost, he inadvertently heightened his fall.

My advice is to join the Trading Room, where you will be surrounded by like-minded individuals who are cognizant of what you are experiencing as a trader, especially if you are new to the day trading options world. Do not discuss trading with non-traders. If you do insist on sharing your trades with your spouse, include all your trades… good and bad. Better yet, only give periodic updates if/when you truly are successful and they can, in fact, go out and enjoy the fruits of your labor. As for subscribing, you only need to know what calls and puts are. We will teach you the rest every morning, 9:20 to 10:30 ET. Click here for details and to subscribe.

If you are not sure, check out our Sunday night Intro to Trading/Week in Review. Click here to register. It costs you nothing. Log on at 8 p.m. ET for this live, interactive, casual look at day trading options on the S&P 500 (SPY). And be sure to invite your friends, too!

By the way, that person “close to me” whom I mentioned?  It was me.